Saturday, December 8, 2007

Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned

Most mornings, on my way to work, I stop at the same gas station to buy an orange juice (I'm trying to cut back on the Diet Pepsi; the dental hygienist told me that "it's gonna rot your teeth out"). And each morning I have to wait in line behind two or three teenagers, all buying the same thing: chewing gum.

It's some new gum--a product called "5". And, apparently, it's the new craze. If you've read MyndFood for any length of time, you know that I feel that, aside from MySpace, chewing gum is the most dangerous thing we face as a society.

And each morning, as I stand there in line, I grieve silently over the inevitable societal decline that'll come along with this new gum chewing craze. I see clean-cut, well-mannered teenagers unwittingly purchasing the very product that'll be responsible for (if MySpace doesn't do it first) a drop in grades, ditching school, tagging and gang affiliation (on another, related note: I found out today that Lex has been chewing gum; explains a lot...).

And, as I stand there watching, I wonder: what is it about this stuff? Why are these kids so attached?

So, I bought a pack.

That's right folks; for the first time in years, I bought a pack of chewing gum. Just to experience whatever it is that's pulling at the kids.

It's not that great. In fact, the gum is gross. It's so strong that you have to gargle with saltwater after chewing just to rid your mouth of the aftertaste. And I only chewed a single piece-just to see what it was like. But now I feel terrible; I feel like I've betrayed you, my loyal readers. And society as a whole.

So, I'm sorry; please forgive me. Only a single piece from the pack was chewed, and I considered giving the rest of the pack away, but on second thought, in the interest of doing my small part to save our society, I built a bonfire in my driveway, and burned the rest of the pack.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was too funny! I can see you with a bonfire from a pack of gum..did it burn quickly? Did you inhale the fumes? ha. hope you have a wonderful day!!!