Sister (my sister, that is; that's what I call her-Sister) posted a comment here in which she made mention of a strongly held conviction of mine having to do with bubble gum. She ended the comment with a "ha ha"-which I think we can safely assume means the comment is, at best, sarcastic.
So, in fairness to all of you, my loyal, trusting readers, I'd like to briefly explain my moral conviction against chewing bubble gum. Yes, that's right, I said that I am morally opposed to chewing bubble gum. Why, you might ask? Well, let me ask you, constant reader: what is the designated purpose for chewing? God gave us "chewing" as a mechanism for masticating our food-that is, the sole given purpose of chewing is to break down food so that it is digestible.
So, let's apply that chewing action to bubble gum: is it possible to actually break bubble gum down by chewing it? As best I can tell, bubble gum, given normal chewing, has a half-life that would rival that of two tons of weapon grade plutonium! The point? I've never seen gum actually broken down by chewing it; it's simply not possible under normal circumstances.
So, what does this, in turn, imply about someone who chooses to chew bubble gum? If, in fact, God gave us teeth and a jaw in order to chew our food so that it can be broken down, and we choose to apply that activity to something that, by definition, cannot or will not be broken down, then we are intentionally engaging in an activity that, by definition, subverts Gods true purpose for us. We are choosing to engage in something that is, apparently, contrary to Gods plan for our lives.
But, lest you choose not to believe in God, or really couldn't care less about His plan for your life, there's another facet to this. I firmly believe that, if the purpose of chewing is, in fact, to break down food, and you elect to chew something that absolutely will not be broken down, you are, at the outset, accepting failure! That's right; each and every time you pop a stick of gum in your mouth, you are, in effect saying that, I'm going to try my best, given the true purpose of this whole activity, to break you down; but I acknowledge that it'll never happen-I accept the defeat, yet I will still engage in the battle with you.
What must this do to our psyches? How must this terminally damage us? I have a strongly held belief (admittedly, no scientific support, but I'd be extremely interested in seeing any data that you, fellow partakers of this sumptuous fare we so affectionately call MyndFood) that bubble gum chewing (and other similar activities), have contributed largely to the sharp increases in juvenile deliquency, high-school dropouts, and jobless young adults, that we have experienced in recent decades. Think about it: when Mother was young, children weren't allowed to chew gum; in fact, most adults didn't even chew gum (they participated in more sociable, and far less psychologically damaging activities-like smoking). Then, as generations grew more "free"-less restrictive with their children (much of this happened in the 1960's-the hippie era), children were allowed, more often, to chew gum (particularly in their formative years). Further, parents engaged in the activity more often (as persons of particular political bent used their persuasive powers to convince us, as a society, that other, more sociable pastimes-like smoking-were damaging to our health, and we should, rather, engage in more innocuous activities-like gum chewing).
But the unforeseen results of this unfortunate shift in social philosophy have been, in my mind, far more damaging than any ill-effects that might possibly be associated with smoking. I am firmly convinced that chewing gum, and the requisite "mental surrender" that must come along with it, has, slowly and subconsciously, conditioned our minds to accept defeat, has caused our self-value, and belief in ourselves, to slowly erode-until our children feel resigned to failure, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy that is played out in juvenile courts, and in continuation schools, and in welfare lines everywhere.
So, I choose not to chew gum, not to participate in the degradation of our society. I ask you, what do you think? I encourage you to comment; I look forward to hearing your thoughts!