Saturday, February 16, 2008

Eternal Pupil

The Internet's still down at home, so I ran over to Mother and Dad's house this afternoon to look something up on the net, and to login to my bank account and verify that some check had cleared.

And I realized immediately that I'd made a horrible mistake. In my checkbook. Again. I do it far too often; I'm just not diligent enough.

Frustrated and angry with myself, I logged out, closed down the computer, and loaded Lex and Gentry back into the car to go home for lunch.

As I pulled away from the curb and started to drive away, Gentry, who gets a little anxious about certain things, started crying because he couldn't get his seatbelt buckled. He flips out if the car starts moving before he's buckled. That's probably a good thing.

So I slammed on the brakes, turned in my seat, and yelled at him to "hurry and buckle the seatbelt". I'll admit; my frustration at myself over my checkbook mistake overflowed.

He started bawling, and got so flustered he couldn't get his fingers to work well enough to get the belt latched. He dropped the buckle. I let out one of those exasperated half-sigh, half-grunt things through my clenched teeth, leaned back and roughly buckled the belt for him.

Then we drove to McDonalds.

As we sat in the drivethrough-me in the drivers' seat, brooding at my mistreatment of Gentry, Gentry doing that quiet hiccup-sniff thing he does when he's trying so hard to stop crying, and Lex whispering quietly to Gentry "it's alright Bubs", I realized that I'd been out of line. Far out of line.

I turned around in the car and said, "Bubs, Daddy's really sorry for yelling at you back there. I was wrong; I shouldn't have done that.".

"It's allwight," he sniffled quietly.

"No, it's not. It's nowhere near alright. I'm really sorry, ok?"

"It's OK," he said.

"Are you mad at me?"

He looked up at me with a questioning look on his face. "No, I'm not mad," he said.

"Why not," I asked.

"Because youw always nice to me. Youw hawdly evew mean, so it's ok."

"I love you, Bubs," I said.

He stretched up to hug me. And I realized that he was telling the truth. I WAS forgiven--even before I'd apologized. Because he loves me. And that's what love does; it gets hurt, but it keeps on. True love isn't contigent...on ANYTHING. Its there; always. Without qualification.

How is it that my five year old son and six year old daughter have got this figured out, but I still don't have it quite right?

They're so much wiser than I. I should listen to them more often, I think.


Anonymous said...

You're a jerk sometimes. Its a good thing in your pictures your so hot! That makes up for your lacking in kindness sometimes. Other than that I really enjoy your blog. And your spot on with the gum thing. Its a disgusting habbit and even more so when it comes out of the mouth and ends up on the ground. ABC gum anybody?

Mrs. Willman said...

I don't know about the hot thing, but we all have our bad days, maybe bad weeks or months. It's unfornate that we take our frustrations out on the people that are close to us but sometimes that happens. I know that for me, plus I have made some mistakes on the check book also. I hope your day gets better.
John W.

Anonymous said...

HOT!??? Kids are soo... precious aren't they. They love so unconditionally.
Everybody is over here right now and they said- HI!!!

Anonymous said...

yeah i agree with you on the hotness.

PJ said...

The pictures don't do me justice...

OK; I'm a little confused. How did the subject of my "hottness" get pulled into this? While I agree enthusiastically with Blake, I didn't say A THING in this post about my being "hot". Yet, so far, EVERY SINGLE COMMENT on this post refers to it.

Can't you people focus?

(although, if you're inclined toward distraction, this is as good a topic as any).

Anonymous said...

LOL!! I'll try to keep myself from commenting on the subject of your hotness. Or the lack of it. ;p

Hopefully to get people back on topic. I believe how quick Bubs forgave you is what Jesus meant when He said, "We must all become as little children." They are able to forgive and forget and keep on loving you and act as if nothing ever happened. To bad we as bigger people can't do the same thing. We're all about holding grudges until the cows come home. Something that I am guilty of time and time again.

Mrs. Willman said...

Hey PJ, it looks like you got a lot of fans. They think you are HOT. Go figure. I'm just a guy, so I can't say that. LOL. Well, what can you say or do. I think its funny. Maybe your famous and don't know it.
John W.

SheGazelle said...

Lord, pj...your comments up there...hegazelle and I are over here crackin' up.

Anonymous said...

Oh go ahead John W. It hasn't seemed to matter in some of the above comments. It appears some male readers have no problem stating their opinion on the "HOT" topic. Although, this is slightly disturbing if you ask me!

Anonymous said...

Well Pj since your always talking about your hottness. Now everybody telling your hot. Well im not gonna tell you " your hot"lol. I disagree with them, cause i look way better then you.LOL

Anonymous said...

Well i have to say he is hot! And he is the best hot dad and husband. I love you!