Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Sweet (Pungent) Smell of Victory!

I've finally done it folks!

Today, I am a king! Today, I soar with eagles, a master, a recognized authority. And I am happy.

I received an email today from the Universal Record Database notifying me that I am the new certified URDB record holder for "Most American Quarters in the Nose"!

I'm so excited, I'm giddy!

The email said, in part:

On behalf of the entire Universal Record Database team, I'd like to offer my heartiest congratulations. We think your fitting quarters inside the nose abilities are tremendous.

You realize that this legitimizes what I've always known: I truly am great--the greatest in the world, in fact--at something!

I encourage you to visit my page at the URDB site. It's a shrine of sorts, a virtual museum dedicated to my momentous feat. And it's awe-inspiring (if I must say so myself). When I first visited it, I found myself sitting in quiet contemplation for a few moments, marveling at the awesomeness of this truly incredible feat.

I have to say that I do feel different now that I'm a celebrity. I recognize that I have an obligation to society--to do all I can to end world hunger, to ensure children have books to read, and to help ensure stray dogs are spayed or neutered. And I want to assure you that I won't forget where I came from: I won't allow myself to lose perspective; I want to stay grounded and in touch with my roots. I could never have achieved this without each of you, and I won't forget you.

Thank you once again for your continued support! Never forget: you can do anything you put your mind to! If I can do it, so can you!


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The Eccles said...

Wow this truly is an amazing feat! I can't believe that this amazing, talented man is my one and only brother. I am so fortunate... maybe one day I can become as prosperous as he. For now I will just have to be satisifed with the luxury of having known such a magnificent person and I will daily view his URDB site and long for the day when I too can achieve such a incredible honor.

Paul said...

You now inhabit the Mount Olympus of mutants.

Unknown said...

I still feel shocked and in dismay from breaking a World leaves you speechless!

Dustin McClure