Sunday, March 30, 2008

Beat 'Em

If you can't join 'em, beat 'em; that's what I always say.

They don't want me, the visionless folks over at Guinness. They said no, that quarters in the nose doesn't qualify as a suitable world record category, so they've turned me down.

They said, in part:

Thank you for sending us the details of your recent record proposal for 'Most Quarters In The Nose'. We are afraid to say that we are unable to accept this as a Guinness World Record.

We have considered your proposal carefully but regret that it is not something for which we are currently interested in listing a record. We receive over 60,000 enquiries a year from which only a small proportion are approved by our experienced researchers to establish new categories.

We realise that this will be disappointing to you. However, we have considered your application carefully; in the context of the specific subject area, and that of records as a whole and this is our decision.


Disappointing it is. Quite so. It would likely have made a lesser man weep; it almost brought tears to MY eyes. But I've never been one to buckle under the pressure of adversity and give up. Rather, I've always been of the persuasion that roadblocks exist only to provide an impetus for new paths to be forged.

And forge I shall.

You see, the fact that Amanda from the Guinness Records Management Team (she's the poor soul who was chosen to send the email that will prove the beginning of the end for the behemoth record tracker) sent me this denial email DOESN'T diminish the magnitude of the feat. That is, their failure to include "Quarters in the Nose" as a category in their records database DOES NOT mean that inserting 18 quarters into my nose doesn't qualify as the world record. In fact, I'm firmly convinced that there is nobody out there who has put more quarters in their nose than I (there's some guy on YouTube who got 14; he made it onto David Letterman).

So, in the absence of a verifiable challenge, I hereby declare myself the world record holder for the Most Quarters in the Nose (18 at one time, for those who are curious). And to certify the world record, I hereby introduce a new feature here on MyndFood: the MyndFood Extraordinary World Record Certification, awarded to those who demonstrate the ability to perform some strange and unique feat better than anyone else. Note, unlike Guinness (who includes boring records like the Longest Limousine in the World and Tallest Person Alive), we here at MyndFood are only interested in certifying strangely extraordinary and bizarre feats (like sticking 18 quarters in the nose).

Who says Guinness has the monopoly on World Records?

I'm dead serious here folks.

I've posted the video of my record winning attempt at inserting 18 quarters into my nose below (and on YouTube).




I'll accept nominations for world records via email. I'll review each nomination, and if you qualify I'll post the video here on MyndFood. I'll also publish a bio, as well as a short synopsis of the winner's story. They'll also receive a MyndFood World record holder certificate.

So tell others about it. Here's their chance to be famous!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Again with the nose quarters? Not to belabor a point, but wouldn't your time be better spent adding pages to the pencil below? Just a thought.... A.L. :)

Shane Eccles said...

I made a hefty donation to your Guinnes “Quarters in the Nose” fund. I hope it makes you feel better about your disappointing let down by the clueless decision makers at Guinnes.

Matt said...

Hmmm...... I must say a big schnauzer have you to fit 18 quarters up in that space. Bravo I say good chap. Nobody out there more deserving.

Anonymous said...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5003948172989055802&q=nose+quarters&ei=pzVQSLKnK6GE_AHktezGDA&hl=en

Watch this video. This guy got 19 quarters up his nose. You should try to beat that.